LITTLE THINGS MAKES BIG THINGS

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This photo was taken when we attended the Hot Air Ballon Festival 2017 last February. It’s a miniature hot air ballon put up together and it’s really really beautiful.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed when I think about rebuilding the church here in Penang Malaysia where we were sent to as a young missionary and leader .As a leader, as a mother and a wife, as a sister, I got discouraged when I don’t get the response or result that I am expecting in different areas of my life.

After listening to the lesson shared by my husband,  I am reminded that I just need to do little things, and God will bless that and make things bigger!

I think through out the years I forget God works that way …

of course when we talk to people we Say that… “just do you best and God will do the rest”…
it’s like a template when someone express to you something.. you immediately reply that. I’m not saying that we are lying when we say that .. we meant that and we believe that but subconsciously our minds doesn’t…and our action doesn’t follow..

Do I really believe that I just need to do my best in my quiet time and in loving others, in my job in my marriage and God will do the rest???

There’s two extreme and I think sometimes I’m in other extreme the other times the other one…

Here’s the 1st…
Some of us.. we trust God we tell ourselves trust God! We pray God I trust you help me to trust you.. God will do great things.. God is good all the time! God will do the rest! but we never do anything, we don’t give our best we don’t act on our faith..

In my marriage, sometimes I trust God that god will help my marriage that he will change my husband one day! I expect, but
I don’t do anything, i don’t really pray for it, I’m not open about it.. I don’t decide to love my husband as a godly woman.. I don’t decide to get help then I really see that my relationship with my husband is going down!

Some of us..in our marriage, we come to a pint that can we question God and we got bitter! God I trusted you so much, how come u let my marriage become like this? But what have you done in your part?

The other extreme is this.. Maybe the first part yes.. some of us we do our best .. 120% do your best! Work hard!! But the second part.. God will do the rest! The second part requires trusting God..we have difficulty..

If I believe that God will do the rest .. Then why I got so anxious and want to be in control with everything and got so discouraged and no faith so easily??? Why am I so impatient of God?

even doing my best sometime is not enough.. why ?? because I thought if I do my best.. that’s the only thing I need things will get done! so I got tired and forget that God is there! Forgot that it’s not just through my efforts but also Gods power and will.

Then some of us the attitude becomes like.. I’ve done that before! I got burnt out ! I got hurt I don’t want to try anymore.. I give up!

Let young Christian do it not me.. been–there-done-that attitude… that’s our faith now you know!!! Married couple need to go on a date???No.. that’s for honeymooners not us!

We become faithless, self focus , independent and self centered! We acted on our experiences and not out of trust anymore.

Everytime I’m in extreme I realized The reason I get tired Is because I’m doing the work alone!!!it’s not suppose to be that way! God’s Holy Spirit want to work with me together!!

My question to myself is this: Why do I need to carry all these and want to do big things on my own if God can do that for me???

I just need to start small. God knows my capacity and my limitations so he knows we only can do so little..

If i be in both extreme I cannot be happy and God cannot use me.
This reminds me of my little victories when I am a young Christian:
Examples:

1. A have a classmate when I was in university, I gave her a book in wanting to reach out to her and in turn ask her to study the bible. She became a Christian now she in US doing great spiritually there.
2. Before graduating that year We decided to just Evangelize in many campuses that week. We met a guy.l who is so open .. he got baptise, praise God!!! He even baptised his classmate after that and after few years become his girlfriend.
3. Here’s another one. There’s this guy who just got baptised in the campus ministry and he seems so quiet and serious. So me I am just a year old as I Christian I said I will be encouraging to brothers even to brothers that I’m not interested in especially young Christian because they need encouragement.. So this brother I ask him for a spendtime and Someone organised a date and change it to a date. We had a great date, he was friendly and a bit quiet still for me that time.. surprisigly After a month he ask me for a date again! I think this brother likes me right?? Hmm After five years we got married! You all know who he is! He become my coleader mission partner and a father of my child. If I didn’t encourage that young Christian brother 12 years ago I I will not be standing here speaking today.

I need to do little things that God can bless.. the big things he is the only one who can do that.. the glory is not mine! God does that because God want to be partners with us!

But if I want to se victories I need to act into something! And not just wait for God to do a big miracle!!

Why do you want to be cool and betray yourself?

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I hate people who act cool, want to look cool, talk only to people who are cool, comment on post that are cool, post on social media only cool stuff, refuse to be seen as someone uncool, look down ridicule or even shame people who are not cool.

I hate them because I am one of them. Sometimes.  I know. I am not cool! At all! But I want to be cool and act cool and be approved by peeps who are cool!

We want to be like that dude who is so cool.. we want to be his friend and want him to see us as someone who is sooo cool!

But who is cool anyway? Who define coolness? What does it take for someone to be cool? Who sets the standard of who is cool and who is not?

Sometimes The person we thought cool Don’t even know they are cool..

The sad thing about this is that more and more people are becoming like this.

I am definitely like this when I was in my teens and early twenties. I am thirty years old now and I have to admit that I still feel the same not as bad a 10 years ago of course.

Sometimes I find myself composing a post in social media and I try my best to sound cool..So other people can find it cool and my post will be more likeable.

We try hard just to sound so cool in our post in social media, we talk to people who we know are cool in a cool way.. Even in the expense of being true to ourselves.

When your post was not liked by people who you think are cool.. You think twice and tell your self, I am not cool enough, I need to be more cool! or I should not have said that or included that sentence, maybe that will sound more cooler.

Sometimes we base our self worth on being cool. If we are cool, we are interesting, we are worthy to others , we are intelligent, we are not so affected by others.

I google the definition of coolness and it says,

” it is neither too cold nor hot”.

Its seems to me that society views coolness as to be able to always in control of your emotion. Doing fun and not “childish ” no so “mushy” stuff, saying safe and funny things all the time. Engaging in fun and adventurous activities. Being able to always be in control.

If you show too much emotion, whether its too happy or too sad.. you are not cool.

If you seems to not get hold of your emotion whether its happy or sad or angry or discouraged..you are not cool.

If you are too loud or too excited.. you are not cool!

People who considers themselves cool will be uncomfortable when someone shows too much emotion. Or even sometimes when a person is too real..

What is the danger of this?

According to Brene Brown (A Shame and Vulnerability expert)

“Wanting to be perceived as cool isn’t about wanting to be “The Fonz”—it’s about minimizing vulnerability in order to reduce the risk of being ridiculed or made fun of.”

Excerpt From: Brene Brown. “The Gifts of Imperfection.” iBooks.

You see, we try to be cool and love cool people because we hate being vulnerable. We are not comfortable with vulnerability.

I want to be vulnerable! i do but is just so difficult. Its difficult because a lot of people surrounding me don’t know how to deal with vulnerability and not comfortable with it either. But I know they want it. It fact I think they crave it just like I do.

But we can’t be real to one another because we have this thing called coolness.. that stops us to be genuine to one another.

“When we value being cool and in control over granting ourselves the freedom to unleash the passionate, goofy, heartfelt, and soulful expressions of who we are, we betray ourselves”

Excerpt From: Brene Brown. “The Gifts of Imperfection.” iBooks.

Yes when we try to fit in to the people we want to impress, we betray ourselves.

What I realised that even for me, before I thought maturity is based on being able to handle your emotion just by yourself, crying alone, solving your problem independently without the need of others and then you tell them afterwards when you already figured out yourself.

But as I grow older, I realised that maturity and true wisdom is being able to express your true feeling without thinking of other people perception of you. True maturity is about not handling your problem and emotions alone but being able to show what is really happening to someone you trust.

We suppress our real self. Our real expression, real emotions and that stop people from connecting to us. Typing this makes me emotional because I see it so rampant now a days to view coolness as the norm.

I think I will always have the tendency to feel like I want to fit in and I want to be regarded as a cool lady, cool mom, cool wife but I need to remind myself that this is not what i really want and not what i really need.

I need to stop myself from contributing to this society that cultivates coolness.

So far here’s what helps me in practicing to be more authentic.

  • Dance and sing even other people are looking. Me and my husband dance together with our almost 1 year old baby at home and sings to her even we are in public.
  • When I try to compose a social media post and find myself editing it to sound cool, I delete the suppose to be cool post and write what I truly feel.
  • When I am talking to someone and I want to sound cool, I talk to myself and say relax and just be yourself.

I want to be an example for my child. I want her to be real, able to express herself. Able to dance, be goofy, get crazy over something she loves and embrace life challenges with the opportunity of crying with someone.

I WANT HER TO BE FREE. 

I don’t want to teach her that being cool is an achievement instead I want to tell her that it is a betrayal.

Want to end this post by quoting this:

“The Hopi Indians have a saying, “To watch us dance is to hear our hearts speak.” I know how much courage it takes to let people hear our hearts speak, but life is way too precious to spend it pretending like we’re super-cool and totally in control when we could be laughing, singing, and dancing.

Excerpt From: Brene Brown. “The Gifts of Imperfection.” iBooks.

Vulnerability and motherhood

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imageSorry guys! Its been a while since i wrote my last post.

I got pregnant early 2015 and had a bad first 3 months as I suffered from hyperemesis (severe nausea and vomitting). Nevertheless I delivered a healthy baby girl last 20 August and I got so busy since then.

Now my baby is here with me and I have to say that I’ve never been vulnerable in my life since the arrival of Summer. Breastfeeding since day 1 up to now. I think I’ve been sleep deprived since the day she was born exactly 5.5 months now. But I’m happy and still need to remind myself to always be present and to enjoy this period of my life. Why do I say be present? Cozy most of the time I can go on to the routine.. Wake up feed the baby, play, bath, nap, work, feed again, then put her to sleep as early as possible so I can do my work again then repeat.

I would like to cherish the moment she’s this small and to truly be present at this moment in my emotions , good and bad, happy or sad. So hoping that blogging can help me at the same time share this to all of my readers.

I would like to write this down and process it maybe through sharing in this blog.

What are my feelings as a new mom?

  • much love for my child (can’t imagine this kind of love before I had one)
  • fear of something happen to her
  • fear of dying cause my child will not have a mother
  • compassion every time  she cries and having a hard time with anything
  • guilt about not giving more to her than I am giving now.

I would like to explore what does vulnerability looks like in a NEW mother?

VULNERABILITY – being human, with all the raw feelings,!being vulnerable to someone is showing your true feelings and weakness, admitting your needs and apologising if necessary.

I feel so vulnerable when I see her sleeping beside me, emotions comes and I don’t even know what are those.. Love.. Compassion..fear.

i remember reading one of Brene Browns book and she discuss about foreboding joy and how the moment you feel joy seeing your child so beautiful and full of life you suddenly fear of loosing her and something will happen to her. Now I get what she meant.

Then fear of being not good enough mother comes. Yesterday my mom recklessly blurted out I acting like I don’t have a child yet. As I am rushing to an appointment while my husband taking care of baby. I don’t know what she meant but That’s a low blow to me because I think I already am doing my best. And I have a full time job. I felt down for a while and just dismiss that after realising that it is not true.

I fear of not being the mother my child’s needs. I’m exclusively breastfeeding her and it comes to a point now that she is so dependent on me and we co-sleep.

I feel the need to train her to sleep soon but I’m not for cry-it-out method. Then the dilemma of when will I start training her and when will I put her to cot comes. I think she’s ready but I am the one who seems not ready for that.

I also feel kinda pressured or maybe not just compelled to do training because of advises from friends and mentor that I needed to train her soon or else she will dictate my life and not the other way around.

The last thing I want to do in my parenting is to people please to be honest. I want to follow my own instinct when it come this rearing my baby but it seems like it’s not easy as I am a first time mom and in the end I want the best for her.

I pray to have wisdom and discernment to do the things I suppose to do with my child.

 

 

 

When is too much knowing becomes destructive?

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Sometimes we cannot just simply brush off people’s feedback and opinion just because of their weaknesses and our knowledge of the way they are personally. Specially for those people we LOVE. For those people “we thought” we knows best.

Though it’s helpful to know a little bit more, when do we know when too much knowledge is destructive?

Destructive to our connection to one another.

When we know a person whether that person is close to you or you got to know them from other people, we either use that information to connect to them, empathise with them or use that information to LABEL them.

We LABEL people based from their looks, accent, race, history, background, or recent mistakes and failures in life.

We focus on each others weaknesses instead of our strengths. We know exactly and in a very detailed way what are the flaws and mistakes of one another. And of ourselves.

We may not label them, but we try to fix them, we try to “fix” those people we love because we are so in tune on what they need to improve in.

Guys we are not all human experts! We are not all counsellors or psychiatrist.

if we do that to one another, connection will slowly weaken and society of scarcity will thrive.

What I am realising more and more is that we are living in a “fault finding society”. There is always someone to be blamed.

Knowledge is destructive sometimes..

Knowledge is power, both positive and negative power.

We are our friend’s friends. We are our neighbor’s neighbor, our sister’s sister , our mothers and fathers daughter / son. We are our husbands wife or our boyfriends girlfriend.

We need to listen! As friend would listen.

If we don’t listen and we just blame things on the way the person talking, there no more dialogue, no more conversation, no more understanding and so connection becomes impossible.

 

Weaknesses of people doesn’t define them and that doesn’t make them less. Yes, So yourself too.

Sad truth is most of us including myself  use other peoples weakness and use  that to not take our own responsibility and to dismissed what are they saying.

We need to use knowledge in the right way.

Believe in people, have hope that they can change and there still good in them.

I want to grow more on this. To look at a person more deeply and see their gifts and strengths more than their flaws. To believe in them and to see hope in them.

I know its not easy but I believe thats the way it should be. If we want to go back to one another, we need to LOVE people go you they are, not just one sided. We love them not just accepting their flaws but by recognising their strengths and seeing theirs gifts as unique individuals.

You Are Not Your Body

Wow, watch this video guys.. It is so inspiring so I need to share this.

Kudos Janine Shepherd
Line that impacts me: “When you let go on what we think we are, we become what we might be -LT.”

Talk about unending possibilities ! It make me get excited to dream and to use the spirit and will in me.

Go girl!!!

Out of a Great Need

Wow!  This video was included in Asha International’s newsletter post today.  I just had to share…fantastic video!!!

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Courage, Compassion and Connection

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We Just finished our women’s bible talk tonight and our topic is

Courage, Compassion and Connection Are the gifts of imperfection!

In Breńe Browns research, wholehearted people practices these 3 Cs. In order for us to grow in our worthiness, we need to practice these 3 Cs.

Because of our imperfection/ weaknesses/ vulnerabilities , we can embrace connection, compassion, courage.

When I had a bad day because I did a terrible mistake or I just simply don’t feel enough, I can choose to reach out to my friend and tell her what’s going on and be courageous to accept my mistakes or I can choose to stay at home in a self-pity mode.

Our weaknesses makes us closer to people and makes us connected because we are imperfect humans.

Our weaknesses gives us opportunity to open our lives to others and bring them in to our hearts and lives.

If we act tough and cool all the time, the gifts of CCC will not come. If we don’t say what we need (self-sufficient) , we don’t invite compassion and connection in our lives.

We are not robots that is design for perfection, we are beautiful imperfect humans and we are wired for connection.

That’s what we truly need! You need a lot of connection in your life whether you like it or not. 

We can know this by knowledge and still be the same so the Key word here is PRACTICE. Let take a closer look on the meaning of this three magic words.

1.Courage– to be imperfect and courage to accept that we are wrong, courage to ask forgiveness, courage to be real to yourself. 

Courage from Latin word “Cor”- heart

courage means To tell the story of who you are  with all your heart.

Ordinary courage – being imperfect and still showing up. 

if we want our worthiness back we got to choose to be courageous or resentment will always be our companion.

2.Connection – energy between people when they feel heard, seen and valued.

It’s also a result of authenticity. Not faking it.

And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

–Matthew 18:3-5

How do you describe a children if they are struggling?

– they are real
– they will tell you they are in pain
– they will cry and let you notice it
they will tell you they need you.

We love children because they are real. The more we get older the more we become less vulnerable.

We should strive to have that childlike heart too. If we want to go back to one another we need to see the heart of a child.

We are humans who are made to connect.

WE ARE WIRED FOR CONNECTION

The more i learn this, the more I am amazed how great our creator is. we are so complex . We are created to love, because our creator is LOVE Himself.

1 John 4:8(NIV)

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

3.Compassion– Latin work “pati” and “cum” means To suffer with

How do you respond when you made careless mistake at work?
To me I usually, feel down on myself and will say something like “stupid me, or I hate myself”.

How do you respond when someone you truly treasure as a friend made a mistake?

To me I will tell her, “it’s ok no worries you can try again, you are human”

Is there something wrong there??
I think so.
If we can be compassionate to others, why can’t we be for our own selves??

We need to be compassionate with your self first before others.

Our tendency when we are in vulnerable situation or in Pain is we self protect! That’s the natural

When we self protect we find who is to be blamed! But we need to practice compassion instead of blame.We blame and shield ourselves by judging others . We disconnect when we do that.

To suffer with! accept yourself , feel for yourself and be compassionate.

Wholehearted people also fully embraced vulnerability.

Vulnerability– core shame and struggle of worthiness, but it’s also birthplace of love, creativity, belonging

If we numb vulnerability because we are afraid, we don’t want pain, we don’t want the exposure, we also numb love, joy, belonging..

We can’t numb vulnerability of we want to live wholeheartedly.

What stops CCC? SHAME AND FEAR

It is the killer of our worthiness.
If we give power to shame and fear to control our lives, CCC cannot thrive and we will not grow in our worthiness.

But if we keep on practicing connection, compassion and courage, we will grow in shame resilience and fear cannot control our lives anymore. That’s the hope that we have. CCC IS OUR HOPE.

We will practice courage, connection and compassion  together so we will cultivate worthiness. 

Till next time.

love, J

Daring greatly by asking your help:)

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We help in time of typhoons, catastrophes and wars because there are immediate needs in front of us that calls our soul to help in whatever capacity.
 I am privileged to be living in a city without any typhoon nor wars. Peaceful and economically booming Singapore.

I am a full-time ministry worker together with my husband Louie in my church here in Singapore for three years now. Ive been living here for 7 wonderful years now.
Within that years of meeting and helping people, I realized that indeed there are typhoons that we cant see. Or we simply choose not to see.

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If we can’t see it, we can’t help.. We can’t act..

 By saying that I would like to invite you to support me FINANCIALLY  as I move forward in helping the casualties of unseen emotional turmoil, typhoon and wars.

These typhoons are inside the homes, hearts of people not just in Singapore but Asia generally  regardless of their nationality and race.

It is my passion to help people find their worth and empowering them to fight a good fight of life .

These typhoons are inside the homes, hearts of people not just in Singapore but Asia generally  regardless of their nationality and race.

Recently I’ve been learning a lot from Breńe Brown. She’s an author and researcher. She studies human connection — our ability to empathize, to belong, to love.
She was featured in a TED talk about vulnerability that went viral few years ago. This was where I first heard of her.
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You must check this!!! http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability
Breńe Brown and her team started offering a certification called The Daring Way™.
“The Daring Way™ is a highly experiential methodology that we developed to help men, women, and adolescents learn how to show up, be seen, and live braver lives. The method was designed for work with individuals, couples, families, work teams, and organizational leaders. It can be facilitated in clinical, educational, and professional settings.”
This year, in the past six months, I had the opportunity to spearhead sessions for groups of women putting into practice Breńe’s work that is based on her book, “Gifts of Imperfection”. Inspired by her e-course that I participated, we use art-journaling and bible passages to learn and practice vulnerability, authenticity, courage, compassion and connection. Through this, I saw the potential to impact women’s lives in one of the most positive ways. This journey helped me and the many women friends I have find their security by being authentic, by using their own God given gifts and talents and by being vulnerable to themselves first and then to others.
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It has been great but I realize the need for me to be trained professionally on this. In view of this, I WANT TO BE CERTIFIED THE DARING WAY™.
I checked my eligibility requirements and Breńe’s team confirmed my suitability. The certification process will be a 5-day training plus 10 consultation sessions.
I really wanted to go this year in Texas but I don’t have enough fund to support me. My salary don’t allow me to go unfortunately.
Next year 2015 they are having International Trainings, one of which will be held in London. So I am excited because it is nearer here in Singapore and this means I will have more time to save.
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Why am I so determined to dive deeper into this?
Because I believe that this training will help me become more aware how dangerous shame is and absence of vulnerability in our lives. These are  so crucial in building our connection to one another. I believe it with all my heart that people need to be taught and trained on these two important issues. I realized that nobody is trained yet in this in Asia and I felt the need of passing on this wonderful tool.
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The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10 NIV)
God wants us to live life to the full. A wholehearted life. A life that is not controlled by shame and a life full of joy, gratitude, empathy, love and belonging.
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If you live long enough in Asia you will realize that shame is a big issue. Personally, shame is a big issue in my life too and that’s a lot to do from the way I was brought up. Shame drives people to be perfectionist, self sufficient and always feeling not good enough.
It breaks my heart seeing a lot of people shaming one another without even realizing it and that drives us away from one another, breaking our connection. I know there is always hope and even with just our little efforts we can make the world a better place by knowing how to love and connect with people.
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I have been praying about this and I am sure that this will come a long way to help not just myself but the lives of people that I can touch through this.
So I am asking for your help to please please FUND me by donating to http://www.gofundme.com/DaringGreatly . I am trying every means to go including saving $$$ monthly.
The money that you give will be used for the following: registration fee ($2,500), application fee ($100), consultation fee ($1,500), flight tickets ($1,000), visa ($150), accommodation ($600) and food allowance ($200).
Thank you so much in advance for your generosity.
Or if you could , help me spread this too.
 thank you so much!
wholeheartedly,
Jackie

Do you think you are wholehearted?

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March this year (2014) I decided to begin a class with the single women in my ministry that was based on my on-going online ecourse that time. We are now in Session 8 and we are getting so much out of it and we are getting more connected as friends definitely.

They are single mature women ages 40-60 years old and I am super humbled and privilege to be leading this group of awesome amazing women. (I may want to tell you more about them in my future post.)

So going back,

The Gift of Imperfection -eCourse by Breńe Brown together with Oprah Winfrey. Since I am blogging my progress in being wholehearted in this blog, I thought of putting in as well the materials that i teach the wonderful women in my ministry. Hopefully in some ways you guys can benefit too.

Get to know learn about her and her works in her website: http://brenebrown.com

So, some of you might already knows her, she’s a shame and vulnerability researcher with almost 13 years of experience in this field. She really is changing my life in the most amazing way.

in her research, she divided thousand of people she interviewed  :

1. People w/ strong sense of love and belonging

 VERSUS

2. People wondering if they are worthy of love and belonging

So, whats the difference with 1& 2 according to her research?

People who has sense of love and belonging believe that they are worthy of love and belonging.

Thats it! they believe with their core being that they are worthy! the other group don’t. or always in doubt or unsure.

the 1st group feel and know they are worthy. They believe in it. So, Breńe use the word wholehearted to describe these people. Wholehearted people living a wholehearted life.

WHOLEHEARTED LIVING “ is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. – Breńe Brown

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In her book, she also mentioned how she analysed the stories and looked for reoccurring themes and she realised patterns that described wholehearted living:

Do’s of people who are living wholeheartedly:

  • Authenticity
  • Faith
  • Trust
  • Hope
  • Belonging
  • Gratitude and joy
  • Creativity
  • Rest and play

Dont’s of people who are living wholeheartedly:

  • Perfection
  • Being cool
  • Fitting in
  • Self- sufficient
  • Judgement
  • Not being enough
  • Exhaustion

i believe these list of the DONT’S can lead to insecurity, lack of confidence, doubting ones self, fear.. Which all are common to me personally.

She was shocked of the analysis because she thought wholehearted people are exactly like her, working hard, following the rules, raising kids exactly by the books… But she’s wrong.

This was definitely my reaction as well when I read her book.

I realised that I am not living a wholehearted life at all and a lot of the DONT’S describes me and my life perfectly.

  • I try to fit in most of the time
  • I always have the feeling of not being enough
  • Exhausted all the time
  • Hate to ask help if I needed something (self-sufficient)

I am not ______ enough! 

We always have this _______ isn’t it?

  • not pretty enough
  • not smart enough
  • not witty enough
  • not spiritual enough
  • not opinionated enough
  • not efficient enough

and the list goes on… and I tried so hard to prove that I am enough that why I am exhausted. Its unending I’m telling you.

Do we believe that we are worthy of Love and belonging?

I found a verse that really speaks to my heart how we are so worthy in our creators eyes:

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days thatwere formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

Psalm 139: 13-16

It was proven in Breńes research and it is in the bible too! I believe God wants us to live a wholehearted life.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10 NIV)

God wants us to live life to the full.

I definitely have a long way in getting my worthiness back. I am excited to transform my life into wholehearted living. I want to be genuine, authentic person, the unique individual God created me to be not the person who want to please people and always want to fit and blend in.

“We are all worthy! its whether we believe it or not. Its easy to “say” we believe but we don’t feel like we are worthy.

few things in my mind as i end this:

1. our worthiness got a lot of things to do on our childhood so its important for us to be aware on that and not to avoid it (cause its painful to go back).

2. our worthiness comes from ourselves first before others. though others can help us gain it back.

3. our worthiness (whether you believe you are worthy or not) dictates how we will be living our lives successfully or miserably.

So we want to know what wholehearted people have in common?

1. Courage

2. Compassion

3.Connection

In my next blog, I will discuss specifically these 3 Cs.

Till next time.

Love, J

Be calm and still

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So beautiful isn’t?

I came back recently from my trip to western Australia and had my best reflecting times in this beach. It’s for our junior staff retreat. Oh man i just love Australia, people there are just blessed to have amazing and breathtaking sceneries.

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It makes me more grateful and feel loved. I don’t know but theres just something about the sky and blue water that relaxes me. 

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Sunset in Hamelin Bay.

I read an article that says being with nature helps the brain produce a chemical that is responsible for less stress and more empathy.

Check this interesting and helpful  link below.

5 Scientific Reasons A Beach Vacation Is Necessary For Your Health

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This is the view from my veranda in SG. its beautiful don’t get me wrong. I love it.  And I am grateful to have these view as well.

But coming back to Singapore and work, my heart started to get worried and anxious again thinking of the things i need to do and accomplish.From the time I started checking my messages  and setting up my appointments. I need to remind myself the things that i reflected in these place. So blogging this will help me for sure.

Where our worries are there our hearts will be. Do not be anxious. Instead be thankful. I’m amazed how these words from the scripture get get so real and practical.

Brene Brown’s research came from research and facts of how people’s struggled today, not 2000 years ago. It is up to date.

But what I realized is that she found sort of proof what the bible really means. You see the word of God doesn’t just give us the way to eternal life… its more than that. The word of a God wants us to have A life, rich and satisfying life indeed. A wholehearted living.

John 10:10

the devil comes and steal, kill and destroy.I have come so they may have a rich and satisfying lives.

What does the devil want to steal from us? He wants us to be worried and anxious because he want to steal our hearts away from our true security. God.

he wants to steal our confidence.
he wants to steal our joy.
he wants to steal our worth.

You haven’t done enough.. you are not enough..whatever you do, your life will never be satisfying as you wanted to be. Those are just some of the few lies that he tells us every single day. And these makes us ANXIOUS and WORRIED .. Restless.. Agitated..WORTHLESS.. Then comes stress.

Sometimes I get so familiar with these voices that it becomes normal… And I know I am not alone in this dilemma. A lot of men and women becoming more anxious and worried about life generally. And so I am or we are believing the enemy.

But then thats the time that i should engage my self in a BATTLE. FIGHT THOSE THOUGHTS. Without awareness, you will never know that enemy is attacking.

Part of living wholeheartedly for me, is to be aware of these and be in the battle .Distinguish the truth from all these lies. Knowing who you are – worthy and precious and unique. That’s just the truth no matter how every single part of your being says otherwise sometimes.

Plain truth.

You are beautiful, worth it, unique, gifted, special. And I have a life that is with purpose. I want to be more grateful in my ordinary life and where I am.

Awareness comes from practicing calm and still. Though i believe it has a lot to do with nature. I also believe we need to change our perspective because this is internal battles. you can be in awesome breath taking places but not reflecting?

you will still be miserable. God give us the nature to help us to be calm and still but we must do our part.

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Being alone in a place that i can see nature, reading my bible, praying or just simply journalling my thoughts down helps me to stay on the ground and grasp reality. Beautiful reality about my life.

Ah!!! I can’t wait to go to the beach again and be with the nature!

love you all!

Shame makes the world miserable.

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Last month, the guidepost I taught the women in my ministry was
Cultivating rest and play – “Letting go exhaustion as status symbol and productivity as self-worth.”

Living in a first world country called Singapore, the society is basically fast paced, efficient and people are generally hard working.

Yesterday 2 of my appointments was cancelled and stayed home doing admin jobs in day time and need to go to out to work at night for an event.
I’m helping to organized a women’s class and the speaker is one of my favorite woman ministry leader. I really admire her. And I’ve been excited about this class in the last few weeks.

But on my way to that event, I felt so down and ashamed about myself that I didn’t get out of the house the whole daytime. I felt I am lazy and lousy even though I did “work” at home.

As if my self worth depends on my productivity and as if exhaustion is equals my importance. I went to my event, down and not myself. Disconnected to people around. I am not excited to fellowship and not confident.

If I’m not busy, there is something wrong with me.
If I’m not producing, I’m lazing around.

I wonder what is my mood on that event if my day is busy and I am productive. I must be very energetic and happy.

Obviously, I have difficulty letting go of exhaustion and productive defining who I am. Sigh.

I know I am not alone and I know most of us struggled/s on this issue.

I think it’s a Lot to do about shame. On what was impose to us or what we observe in the society. What would people think if they find out?

Again, it’s easy to get the concept ok??? But it s tough to put it into practice.

I cannot even remember a day that I called as my day off without thinking things that needs to be done. I am always worried and anxious of the things that I have not planned about or thought of. I am always not good enough, or not doing enough.

Shame is when i thought i’ve done my best but then were put down because the result was not the expected.

Shame is when I am considered a failure. Especially by myself and the important people around me.

Shame is when I am not productive.

Shame is when I am different to everyone else.

Shame is when I can’t help sharp people. That means I am not sharp myself.

Shame is the feeling of being defective. Something is terribly wrong with me.

Breńe Brown says ,

“Experiencing shame is opposite of experiencing empathy. “

With my experience yesterday, even though it was self-impose shame
(Of course there are days that I experience shame from somebody else.) I didn’t experience empathy. I didn’t reach out and share my story and obviously I didn’t practice compassion to myself. Empathy brings out compassion and connection. Shames drives them out!!!

I want to grow in my shame resilience , I want to be more aware if I’m experiencing shame or what triggers me of shame. What will I do if I’m experiencing shame?

The more I am ashamed the more tendency for me to blame and shame people around me too.

It’s so easy to not focus on this topic because we are so used to it. We are almost accepting that this is the world we are living in. And we can’t do anything about it!! Just go with the flow.

But people there’s something wrong about that. We should do something and it should start from ourselves.

I don’t want to shame people around me. That makes the world ugly, messy and painful to live in.

I truly believe what brene says, as human being each one of us are wired for connection, the more we shame and being ashamed the more we disconnect, the more we blame , the more we fear.

Let’s get back to each other by practicing empathy rather than shame. We can change the world into a more beautiful and loving place to live in and there is hope. That is possible because God created us in his image. Loving and compassionate.